My good friend Steve Parker reckons that probably the only one useful piece of wisdom he gleaned from reading all the Christian books that were supposed to prepare him for marriage was a rethink of the usual proposition that there are three participants in a marriage – husband, wife and God. God is the third party who mediates the relationship.

The writer of this book suggested that the three parties were the husband, the wife and the marriage itself. In other words the two partners each enter a commitment to intentionally put in to the relationship for its own sake; it means that one is prepared to make compromises about one’s own needs for the sake of the other, out of love for the other, but also out of respect for the wellbeing of the relationship itself.

I wonder whether this concept might also be useful in thinking about how we behave as a community. ‘Takers’, whether they be economic takers or power grabbers within institutions and organisations, inevitably weaken communitas, that sense of belonging and freedom to contribute to and be recognised and affirmed in any community. Lifestyles that ‘Take’ destroy. They often make slaves of others. And in the others’ destruction what ‘takers’ ultimately gain is illusory.

Legislation to limit ‘takers’ can only go so far. Having a heart for human flourishing, like the ‘love’ needed to sustain a marriage, needs an inner transformation and a creativity to create new pathways beyond entrenched patterns and restrictive structures that are no longer fit for purpose.

I congratulate Tim Solly for having the courage to follow his intuition to read a poem at the beginning of Triple M’s broadcast of the Women’s AFL Grand Final yesterday. Breaks the mould! Reflects the new spirit evident in the rise of status in women’s sport.